Day 55

Life is good, I can honestly say I'm happy. The gifts and miracles of sobriety that have blessed my life in just 55 days overwhelm me with thankfulness. During a recent counseling session, I laughed as I likened myself to Julie Andrews prancing the fields in The Sound Of Music; I've felt that happy. I tend to question and analysis my behavior a lot and I am stumped as to why I've not arrived at this break-though until now. Perhaps I wouldn't be this grateful for all I have now without having first lived the heartache. Perhaps I needed to be this grateful so I'll never take what I have now for granted, I never want to be less grateful for my life than I am now.

Life's not perfect, I've a way to go managing the urge to be frantically busy all the time; to rest and be still. I can feel the growth and stretch of sober living and I like it, I've been desperate for it so long. No, life's not perfect but it feels pretty close to perfect when compared to much of my past. 

It's becoming more and more apparent how weak alcohol kept me, I had no resilience to cope, to respond with clarity. I can now, I can notice a situation inducing an emotion or some worry and if I cant fix it I pray. My prayer life has become a source of peace and strength that I'd be lost without. I truly believe that it was by true surrender to my maker, the one I call God, that has got and kept me here; sober, free, growing and stretching into the person I've always been with dreams, abilities, and strengths that just couldn't be realized whilst drinking plagued my days, body, and mind. After so many false starts to kick the booze, I've finally arrived to where I've been so desperate to be for so so long; living this life without needing a drink to cope. 

Day 36

I confidently conducted myself through a job interview today. I would not have had the confidence to sit relaxed and answer each question without fretting if I were not sober. Good things really do happen when you stay sober; even while other stuff is still really hard, good stuff happens. Important, good stuff. It really is true that the longer I am sober the better I feel, think and do. Even the pre menstrual, I-feel-like-utter-crap days are better because I feel connected to my own body now. I feel like I'm waking from an alcohol controlled coma. The delusion has lifted, the belief that I need alcohol to make anything better no longer exists, it's so far from what I believe today that it boggles my mind how long I've lived believing it.

I'm a little pissed it has taken this long but I'm careful not to dwell too long in regretful-reflection and instead continue to discover what is true and keep these life saving truths close where I'll never forget, so I'll never slip back into another coma of lies.