I’ve been self medicating with booze and drugs since I was 14 years old. I’m in my forties now and I don’t want to die not having lived as a much better version of myself. I began writing here May 2018 in desperate hope I’d document my first year living clean and sober which I did, but I’ve also become a repeat-relapse-offender. Here are my written wanderings, struggles and reflections, my journey to wellness...
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Tomorrow the sun will be shinning...
Depression comes in in violent sweeps, out of the blue and too rude to give notice or tell me for how long it will ruin every moment. I'm sinking beneath its weight. I want to fight it and feel different but the distance between what I want and am right now keeps me hopeless. There is nothing real in me, nothing good left. This sadness can't be explained, its felt and in time it will fade into something else, perhaps something sweet and kind. Tomorrow the sun will be shinning...
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I love you Angie. You’re doing amazing, you’ve come so far. Don’t think of it as day 1. Think of it as you’ve come so very far, too far to ever turn back. Life just seems to be two steps forward and one back no matter what we are struggling with. But every day above ground is a new day and a precious blessing and opportunity for miracles. Love you heaps xx keep writing
ReplyDeleteI don’t know that counting days is helpful because you are still focusing on what you’re trying to leave behind instead of the new path ahead begging to be realised. Focus on the dream, the vision, the call, the purpose instead of the number of days. Then you are really, seemlessly stepping into a new lifestyle and the days fly by uncounted, and all of a sudden one day you stop and realise it’s been months and then years and you hadn’t realised you’re standing in a completely new place by grace. Keep looking up at where your help comes from and at the path rising before you you. 😘
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