Here I am

I began blogging in 2013 in an attempt to find the writer in me I desperately needed to exist. At the time, I was suffering from methamphetamine addiction; nothing could be found, nothing good anyway. Five years on, I'm living in a different city, addicted to a different poison. While the thought of ever returning to the days of meth-induced-psychosis, (I tried boarding a plane to Singapore without a ticket or passport), week-long-comedowns and sex with strangers makes me want to vomit, change my identity and build an actual time-machine...I have become a wino. I have cross-addicted. I am a bottle-a-day, sometimes two wino...a drink alone in my bedroom, hide the empties wino.

 A few days ago whilst aimlessly wandering the library, The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley caught my eye from a display stand and I have not been able to put it down. Reading and writing have always been close to my heart, for as long as I can remember I've dreamed of being a writer. Typewriters excite me, libraries feel like home but when I'm drinking every night it's impossible to read or write. My drinking keeps me from dreaming let alone becoming.