Day Two

It's been a rough morning. My Miss 16 has said she doesn't want to live with me anymore. She's been staying with my Miss 23 since Sunday. Sunday was bad. I'm resisting the urge to explain all the stresses and irritations that led to my shocking behavior on Sunday but I'm stopping myself and admitting right here right now that my life has become too messy to pretend another day that my drinking isn't keeping me from becoming mentally sound. The brutal truth is that on Sunday afternoon I sank a bottle of Rose within half an hour, hid the empty then screamed at both my daughters in front of my grandson Mr almost 3. I shut myself in my room, I pounded the wall and screamed for everyone to get out. It was an alcohol induced panicked rage.

Hearing this morning that Miss 16 doesn't want to return home is hard and I am so aware this moment that if I drink today it will get messy. I won't want to stop. I am telling my legs they are not permitted to walk to the bottle store across the road and I am telling my arms they are mine. I am telling my hands they are not allowed to pick up a drink. Drinking today would be unsafe.